Fear of the Unknown

ONYA LAWSON’S JOURNEY TO INNER PEACE

Burning. Numbing. Aching. Tensing. These symptoms could be anything and they change all the time. According to doctors, I could have cervical cancer, endometriosis, gastroenteritis and so much more. Through the fog of illness the strongest feeling I felt was fear. Tests came back inconclusive with more possible conditions to add to the list which only heightened my anxiety and I avoided addressing them. I couldn’t control my fears about my health and my life and I began to blame myself for all the new issues that my doctors had to try to solve.

During the years I searched for a diagnosis, therapy workshops made me realise that while I couldn’t control the unknown nature of my body I could control how how I handled the situation. I created a routine to help my mind focus - on Sunday evenings I organise my medication into a divider and that small act reassures me that I’ve done something to help myself and been productive. I stopped hiding my pills and my pain which I was afraid would define me and found that talking about the emotional side effects of my chronic illness helped ease the burden of the unknown that I carried and the burden I felt I was. I can now talk easily about my problems and have received much more understanding because of it. I feel more comfortable addressing the issues I face head on and accepting the unpredictability of my life.

I no longer look at my chronic illness as negative and although I’m still on the path to discovering answers, I’ve found peace within myself. The unknown doesn’t scare me anymore because I have built a strong mental base and found the positives in my life again.

For those of you still searching for a diagnosis, do not give up. Keep fighting, keep researching, keep standing up for yourself. Don’t let the unknown of what you’re facing demotivate you but rather let it push you forward. It may feel like a battle to be heard but as Onya said, try not to lose your peace in the process and focus on what you can do.

We are all ambassadors of Strength and need to keep spreading that light.