From Where I Stand

“Never forget how far you’ve come and everything you have gotten through. Never forget how much Strength you have developed along the way”

When I was first diagnosed I went through a whirlwind of emotions, of course I was angry and scared but I also had a sense of purpose to fight my way through the condition that finally had a name. However more than a year later one emotion rises above others most of the time. Frustration. There are days when I feel like screaming because I am frustrated at my body, my lack of progress, my pain, my life compared to other people’s. Sometimes I feel just as weak and in pain as I did a year ago, like I will never break through the never ending cycle but then I remember how far I’ve come and where I am standing now.

Recently I found an old pain diary that my doctors advised me to write and reading through it I couldn’t believe the day to day pain I recounted, everyday there was a new entry of something else that was sore or something else I couldn’t do. There used to be days when I couldn’t walk down the street without painkillers, days when every bone in my body felt on fire and while I still have those days when pain overwhelms me, I can walk without painkillers, I have slowly built up strength and endurance for my day to day life, I have pushed my body to the limit to have experiences that I will always remember - even if I had to work harder for them.

I forget what my life used to be like, it is so easy to get caught up in how bad things are now and what you are struggling with presently but every little achievement is a triumph and it’s so important to remember them because one day you will wake up and not even realise the mountain you have climbed to be standing where you are and the Strength you have gained along the way.